Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Embedded

[Interior of a bus. The windows are blacked out. A clearly nervous reporter with a British accent speaks quietly into the camera]

REPORTER: Day three. We aren’t sure where we’re going. The campaign has thus far refused to give any information regarding our whereabouts or our eventual destination, for fear of alerting the enemy to our presence.

STAFFER [in army fatigues]: Keep it down!

REPORTER: We’ve also been told to make as little noise as possible. Why this is, I don’t know. Rules are quite strict. Reporters found posting to the internet are assumed to be a security risk, and are let off the bus wherever it happens to be at the moment. I’ve heard terrible stories about reporters lost for weeks in the wilds of Kent or Putnam. Chilling. All I can tell you at this moment is that we’re moving, and we’ve been moving for some time.

[The bus screeches to a halt]

STAFFER: Okay, everybody out! Move, move, move!

REPORTER: This is it. Let’s go.

[There is a general scramble as reporters, staffers and others exit the bus. The camera takes a confused shot of the bus, which is painted to look like a school bus. The words “Not Joe Lieberman’s Bus” are painted on the side]

STAFFER: Go! Go! Everybody inside!

[Camera pans to reveal Rosie’s Diner, a wonderfully greasy establishment in Groton. Joe Lieberman, flanked by security, leaps out of the bus and heads for the diner.]

STAFFER: Too late! Look!

[The “Kiss Float” truck comes screeching around the corner.]

BLOGGER: [Yelling over a megaphone] Senator, we’d like to ask you a few questions--

STAFFER: Sh-[bleep]! Inside! Now!

[Another staffer stumbles and falls]

OTHER STAFFER: Help!

STAFFER: Leave him! He’s finished!

[Everyone races for the diner. Six goons surround Lieberman and hustle him inside. The REPORTER and his camera crew follow just behind. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Staffers collapse into empty diner seats.]

REPORTER: That was close.

[Cut to haggard STAFFERS sitting in a booth, smoking cigarettes]

STAFFER: They always know. I don’t know how they do it. There’s gotta be a leak or something, someone’s gotta be a spy. [He starts twitching] Everybody’s a spy…

STAFFER #2: I got a wife and kids back in California. What I wouldn’t give to be back there. Damn this campaign. Damn Connecticut.

STAFFER #3: [Identity blacked out] Look, man, I can’t talk openly. But you know, they said we’d be greeted as representatives of a popular incumbent. They said it would be easy, we’d be home by August. They didn’t say nothin’ about this sh-[bleep]. It’s total bull. The people here hate us.

STAFFER #4: [Examines greasy french fries] Food’s good, though.

[Cut to LIEBERMAN making the rounds in the diner. Two old men, a sailor and Zippy the Pinhead sit at the counter, sipping coffee]

REPORTER: The Senator is about to try to make contact with the locals. This can be a touchy business.

LIEBERMAN: Hi, how are you… hi, I’m Joe Lieberman… Hi…

OLD MAN #1: Huh? Whazzat? Tryin’ to read the paper. Go ‘way.

LIEBERMAN: Hi, I’m Joe Lieberman… hope I have your vote! Heh, heh.

OLD MAN #2: I’m a Republican. But I’d vote for you if I could. You’re great. Not like those other Democrats. Damn Democrats. Always raising taxes! Making poor Bill O’Reilly look bad! [Starts to boil over with insane rage] Always forcing pretty young women to get abortions! Making Osama bin Laden a national hero! I hate ‘em! I hate ‘em all! [Calms down] Except you.

LIEBERMAN: Ah. Thanks. Uh. [Moves on]

REPORTER: This has so far not gone well. This has sadly been typical of diner stops. We’ll see how he does with the last two.

SAILOR: Hi.

LIEBERMAN: A member of our nation’s proud military, I see. Good for you! You know, I saved that sub base you work at.

SAILOR: Yeah, thanks. More cold winters in Connecticut. Look, maybe you can answer a question.

LIEBERMAN: Sure.

SAILOR: It’s about the war—

LIEBERMAN: Well, that’s great. Nice to meet you! [He moves on quickly]

[He comes to the last customer—who is Zippy the Pinhead]

LIEBERMAN: Uh. Hi.

ZIPPY: Sorry. I was wrestling with th’ meaning of modern life, as expressed by this Danish.

LIEBERMAN: Never mind.

REPORTER: Some days on the campaign trail are better than others. In the last establishment, he convinced three old ladies that Ned Lamont was some kind of demon from the spirit world. That was an all-too-rare success, though. Morale is low, as staffers wonder just what their mission is, and if they’ll ever be able to carry it out.

STAFFER: Okay, let’s move! The enemy is outside! We have to clear a path to the bus! Let’s go, move!

[Everybody springs into action]

REPORTER: And we’re left to wonder if we’ll survive it, at all. Reporting from somewhere in Connecticut, for BBC News.

[Fade out]

28 comments:

Conservative Democrat said...

I'll admit - even as a Joe supporter, I think that's pretty hilarious.

A Different Anonymous (No! Really!) said...

I see Martin Sheen as Joe. He's lying on a bed, smoking, as the ceiling fan fades into chopper blades and The Doors play in the background ...

barrygoldwaterlives said...

2 anti-Joe posts in a row...this is a new low for you GC. My level of respect for you is slowly fading. You have certainly become a shill for the left-wing Lamonthead crazies that are hijacking the once-proud Democrat party in Connecticut. This comes as no surprise given your affiliation with the Green Party.

Bill Lee said...

Nice work, GC! So real I could taste the fries...!

Genghis Conn said...

Huh. I thought I was a conservative shill.

Genghis Conn said...

Thanks, Bill! Nice to see you here.

Anonymous said...

C'mon, Barry - Oh, wait..

You're writing satire like CG's episode - Oh I get it. For a moment I thought you were trying to level criticism when in fact you were also characterizing a typical whiny Dem too wrapped up in themselves to step back and recognize the sureal absurdity that surrounds this entire campaign...

Good thing I figured that out before I took your post and baseless, silly inmplied accusation seriously...

Enjoy your afternoon!

A Different Anonymous (No! Really!) said...

Wow, GC. Sounds like the kids at My Left Nutmeg are suffering from a bad case of - dare I say it? - penis envy.

The Elephant! said...

hahaha that was hysterical!!!!

Bobby McGee said...

I like the Iraq imagery. In Lieberman's "reality" connecticut is a war zone compared to Iraq.

Anonymous said...

How much does Lamont pay you guys to write this crap? I know we will never know though sinc ehe refuses to let anyone see the last 5 years of his tax return. Guess he doesnt want everyone to know how much he really is blowing on buying a senate seat.

Anonymous said...

Yeah...What's up with this tax stuff? If it were a Republican I find it hard to believe that newspapers and you liberals wouldn't be asking for the same thing.

Joe said...

This is not funny at all! In fact, it is a travesty against a great man, the greatest Statesman this nation has seen since Ben Franklin. You should be ASHAMED!

Anonymous said...

Ned lamont should go to The WWE with his pal Lowell Weicker He could be The New Million Dollar Man LOL

Anonymous said...

Ned Lamont really should go back to volunteer teaching he is no politician he is an opportunist and he is buying the Senate Seat on one issue The Iraq war.

What a (expletive) Joke

bluecoat said...

Now the Lieberman camp is dissing teachers and volunteers who work in the city schools. Interesting tactic.

Anonymous said...

Well your candidate will not release his tax returns for the last 5 years(and dont give me the BS Tom Swan Excuse it is because of a confidnetiality agreement due to his wife's business)If he was an honorable person he would release them to the public.

bluecoat said...

Lamont's not my candidate Chris.

Max said...

Haha, that was great. I was at the candidates forum in Southbury today, and that we essentially the sentiment among the retirees at Heritage Village there. The Lieberman guy was practically heckeled off the stage.

Anonymous said...

Bluecoat get it right it isnt Chris.

Anonymous said...

Anon 313- Lamont pays these people who post 50 cents, some white bread and a glass of water Once he is elected Ned will forget who they even were.(LOL)

ctkeith said...

GC

Were you hiding in the bed of the Kiss float this morning when Trueblue and I met the Liebertour Bus at the 2 Wallingford Diner stops and the Milford Senior center?

Check out the Video at ctbobs site.

Anonymous said...

I bet Lamont paid those Heritage Village people money to boo the Lieberman guy off the stage.

Ned Lamont....do anything....say anything to buy a US Senate Seat thats what happens when you come from money.

bluecoat said...

Sorry Katie, I won't do it again.

TrueBlueCT said...

Diner Tour Photos.

If anyone wants to repost, please help yourself. And no need to credit little old me.

Anonymous said...

"Rosie’s Diner, a wonderfully greasy establishment in Groton"

well, it was a wonderfully greasy diner.. they shut down at least a year ago, and now its a dirt lot with a sign saying "'Oh-Boy Diner' Coming Soon"

although theres still a Rosies Round the Clock Grill in.. North Stoningon? I think its there. Just off 2 after the rotary.

Wolcottboy said...

I want a sequel. (And I don't really care who you have to play the part. Heck, throw me in -though my character might be pretty lame)

I actually thought this might be how Lieberman and LaMont met today on the campaign trail at the Walmart rally. How'd that happen?

Genghis Conn said...

No more Rosie's...?

But that's so sad! How could they???

(sigh) Used to be my favorite place to eat when I was in college. That and Illiano's in New London. Oh, well.