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Thursday, July 06, 2006

Debate Preview

JOANNE NESTI: Welcome to tonight's debate between Senator Joe Lieberman and his challenger, Ned Lamont of Greenwich. As agreed, both candidates are appearing in a hermetically sealed environment, protected from the public, journalists, opinion polls and tiny germs. No one but Bob the cameraman has actually been allowed in to see them--I'm moderating this discussion from a day spa in Rhode Island.

Gentlemen, welcome.

LIEBERMAN: Hi, Joanne. Can we make this quick? I have important Senator stuff to do.
LAMONT: Good to be here. And no you don't. None of the other senators like you.
LIEBERMAN: Yes they do. Chuck Schumer likes me.
LAMONT: He doesn’t count.
LIEBERMAN: Jerk.
LAMONT: Warmonger.
LIEBERMAN: Blog-lover.
LAMONT: Bear commercial maker.
LIEBERMAN: Weicker toucher!
LAMONT: Bush smoocher!
LIEBERMAN: Republican communist!
LAMONT: Republican Republican!
LIEBERMAN: Your supporters are hippies!
LAMONT: Your supporters aren’t even Democrats!
LIEBERMAN: One issue wonder!
LAMONT: Wrong on every issue!
LIEBERMAN: Float builder!
LAMONT: Droopy Dawg!
LIEBERMAN: You’re short!
LAMONT: You have terrible hair!

[They begin to bite and slap one another]

GERRY BROOKS: Joanne, shouldn’t we stop them?
JOANNE NESTI: What? Sorry, I’m having some sort of seaweed draped over my head. Are they still talking?

[Cut to JOHN DESTEFANO and DAN MALLOY sitting on a ratty old couch, watching the debates]

DESTEFANO: Why don’t our debates ever get covered like this?
MALLOY: Because you suck.
DESTEFANO. …Shut up.

[Cut to JODI RELL, ALAN SCHLESINGER and GEORGE GALLO, sitting on a much nicer couch]

SCHLESINGER: This is great! I’m totally going to win!
RELL: [Rolls her eyes] Suuuure you are, Alan. George, tell me we’re making progress on Operation Skull and Bones?
GALLO: Yes, the reanimation of Hiram Bingham is nearly complete. The guys at Pfizer helped.
RELL: Goooood.
SCHLESINGER: What? What was that?
RELL: Nothing, dear.

[Cut back to debate. LAMONT has LIEBERMAN in a full nelson]

LAMONT: Say it! Say you’ll support the primary winner!
LIEBERMAN: Never!

JOANNE NESTI: Well, folks, there you have it. The most important debate Connecticut has seen in years. I’m sure the three or four of you who are actually voting in August will get a lot out of it.

Coming up next on NBC, endless reruns of Friends. I’m Joanne Nesti. Good night.

13 Comments:

Blogger Authentic Connecticut Republican said...

" tell me we’re making progress on Operation Skull and Bones?
GALLO: Yes, the reanimation of Hiram Bingham is nearly complete. "



Come on, you know you weren't supposed to bring that up.

7/06/2006 08:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GC, that is some great stuff. Thanks man.

-Boom

7/06/2006 09:01:00 AM  
Blogger disgruntled_republican said...

GC-

Great post! Thanks for the laugh to start my morning!

7/06/2006 09:09:00 AM  
Blogger Patricia Rice said...

Very funny! The LaMont debate Strategy is simple. Tell everybody if you hate George Bush than you have to hate Senator Lieberman.

It's like 3rd grade mentality. The kooks from the far left may fall for it but everybody else is saying Millionaire Ned is looking like a fool.

End result: Senator Lieberman will be re-elected...no matter what!

7/06/2006 09:22:00 AM  
Blogger Patricia Rice said...

Looks like it's time to say good bye to Lisa Moody. If not soon, we may say good bye to Jodi Rell too.

7/06/2006 09:30:00 AM  
Blogger AnonAndOnAndOn said...

Cut away to... not a couch, but two guys sitting on milk crates:

GERRY BROOKS: Why the hell did Joann get this gig?
TOM MONAHAN: Cause she wears the pants in your anchor team, Brooksie.
BROOKS: Stuff it, Irish boy. Aren't you up past your bedtime??
MONAHAN: Grow some hair, Ger, and lose the eyeliner pencil on your lip. I'm going over to Shelley Sindland's house.

7/06/2006 09:37:00 AM  
Blogger BRubenstein said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOO great post

7/06/2006 10:26:00 AM  
Blogger BRubenstein said...

Pat Rice...thank you for not accussing us lefties of being un-patroitic for one day...such a breathe of fresh air !!!!!!!!!!!!!

7/06/2006 10:27:00 AM  
Blogger Authentic Connecticut Republican said...

Patricia Rice said... "
Looks like it's time to say good bye to Lisa Moody.
"

Lisa's story hasn't changed one bit.

To drag out a memo from over a year ago; pass it around to the press but not to other members of the committee makes it clear that this is politics at it's worst.

7/06/2006 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger Chris MC said...

LOL GC.

7/06/2006 11:03:00 AM  
Blogger bluecoat said...

another on bites the dust in Ragaglia quits social service job hours before dismissal hearing By Kym Soper, Journal Inquirer 07/06/2006
and malloy once again touts his plans to transform Fairfield County into New York Cityhere

7/06/2006 12:06:00 PM  
Blogger chevygirl1492 said...

I read with interest on Chris Murphy’s Blog that he was campaigning with John Geragosian in New Britain over the 4th of July weekend. I know that Geragosian is a huge Lamont supporter and that he was lobbying Chris to abandon his support for Lieberman and switch to Lamont. I wish Chris Murphy would see what everyone else see, that Lamont is the guy to go with. Even Lieberman knows he is going to lose the primary!

P.S. Love the Posting!

7/06/2006 01:49:00 PM  
Blogger amazins860 said...

Murphy is costing himself big-time support from the activists in our party by his close association with Lieberman. I wonder who Murphy is rooting for in the big debate tonight?

7/06/2006 01:57:00 PM  

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