Saturday, April 01, 2006

Cheney Resigns: Rell to be Next Vice President

"We want a new direction," says Bush. "Also someone who won't ask questions."

Shocking news out of Washington, as Vice President Dick Cheney has apparently resigned, citing "health reasons" and the fact that "this job is really cutting into my shooting time." His replacement will, according to a White House press release, be none other than Connecticut Gov. M. Jodi Rell. From the AP Wire:
It has been learned that President Bush's trip to Bridgeport next week is not, as said, to squeeze money out of wealthy Republicans, but instead to announce his choice to replace outgoing Vice President Dick Cheney: Gov. M. Jodi Rell of Connecticut.

Rell is one of the nation's most popular governors, and Administration insiders say they hope the addition of a northeastern moderate in such a high-profile position will help to turn around the president's sagging polls.

"Gov. Rell has served her state well, and has a strong record of reform," the release said. "Also, she has a great record from her time as Lt. Governor of staying in her office and not asking awkward questions about what her boss has been up to, lately."

The Governor is reportedly pleased. "Just as long as I don't have to talk to or be seen with the president," she said, "this should be fine."

Current Lt. Gov. Kevin Sullivan will become Governor as soon as Rell is inaugurated in Washington. Sullivan could not be reached for comment, but the sounds of a loud party with lots of drinking could be heard coming from his office.

14 comments:

Genghis Conn said...

(April Fool! You guys can have an open forum, here.)

Anonymous said...

Tears of Joy, nearly tears of joy

Paul Vance said...

Laughed out loud GC! (And laughing out loud while doing paperwork is rare!)

CGG said...

Good one. Happy April Fool!

MikeCT said...

You're getting warm, but you're a little off on the story, Genghis. My sources deep in the Republican bunker tell me that Rell will try to jumpstart her campaign and appeal directly to the youth vote and women through a choice of running mate who is controversial but has strong name recognition and approval ratings. Establishing residency for this running mate will not be a problem. The candidate was also a top nominee for the Supreme Court.

ctblogger said...

I wish I could say this was an April Fool's joke but it's my reality in Danbury.

BTW: rest in peace Marvin Gaye.

Anonymous said...

This is similar to the rumor I heard, except Lieberman was going to take over.

Ernest Newton said...

Kevin Sullivan has already contacted me and asked me to be his running mate. President Bush will be announcing that he has granted me a pardon because he and I are both like Moses to our people.

Ernie said...

I'm still learing how to post a link. I was going to learn how in rpison but Kevin has changed all that now.

christopher moranic said...

Some people think I haven't put enough resources and attention into investigating lawbreaking in the governor's office but that is not true. My crack investigators and prosecutors have been working on a terrorism case here in Fairfield and as you can see here we've busted it wide open. You legislators have to get your priorities straight. Jodi and her gang are small potatoes when you are the chief law enforcement officer for one of the most corrupt states in the country.

Anonymous said...

Rell is Bush's second choice for VP. David Cappiello turned it down.

Don Pesci said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Don Pesci said...

The Ned Lamont primary campaign in Connecticut suffered what Daily Kos called “a near fatal blow” when the New Haven Independent published a photograph of Lamont kissing Sen. Joe Lieberman under the caption “S’up Wid Dis?”

At first it was supposed by editorialists at the Hartford Courant that the near fatal picture was an attempt by the Lamont campaign to make light of what the paper said was “an attempt by the Lamont campaign people to adjust to an almost certain primary defeat by Lieberman.” The Connecticut senator is known to have a lively sense of humor, and the picture, the paper said, was an attempt, closely guarded by the Lamont campaign, to make light of embarrassing moment. During President George Bush’s State of the Union address, the president bussed the senator on the cheek, which infuriated anti-Lieberman elements in his home state.

But later, sinister motives were attached to the doctored photograph showing Lamont planting a kiss on Lieberman’s cheek. A statement accompanying the photograph attributed a quote to Lamont that the campaign vigorously denied: “It’s been a hard fought primary. But now is the time for Democrats to come together in support of Lieberman. I’ve always respected Joe’s … “

Anonymous said...

In honor of the original magic Lieberman moment, "Kiss Me" goes to the top of the MTV most requested videos.